100 Savage Roasts That Are Brutal But Hilarious

Roasting is an art form that walks the line between humor and honesty. When done right, a savage roast makes everyone laugh, including the person being roasted, because the wit and creativity outweigh any sting. These aren’t mean spirited insults designed to hurt. They’re clever, creative burns that showcase quick thinking and comedic timing.

You know the moment. That playful banter with friends where someone lands a roast so perfect everyone loses it, and even the target has to laugh and admit defeat.

Classic Savage Roasts for Any Situation

These timeless roasts work in almost any playful situation where you need a quick comeback or witty response.

Roasts to Use:

• I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.
• I’m not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.
• You’re not stupid. You just have bad luck when thinking.
• I’d explain it to you but I don’t have any crayons with me.
• You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.
• If I wanted to kill myself, I’d climb your ego and jump to your IQ.
• You’re the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.
• I’m jealous of people who don’t know you.
• You’re not the dumbest person in the world, but you better hope they don’t die.
• I’d challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you came unarmed.
• You’re like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.
• I’m not insulting you. I’m describing you.
• You’re proof that evolution can go in reverse.
• I’d call you a tool, but that implies you’re useful.
• You’re the human version of a participation trophy.
• Somewhere out there is a tree tirelessly producing oxygen for you. You owe it an apology.
• I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and poop out a smarter statement than what you just said.
• You’re like the first slice of bread. Everyone touches you but nobody wants you.
• If stupidity was a superpower, you’d be unstoppable.
• You’re not pretty enough to be this dumb.

Roasts About Intelligence

These roasts playfully target someone’s logic, decision making, or common sense in clever ways.

Roasts to Use:

• You’re so dense, light bends around you.
• Your brain must feel as good as new, seeing that you’ve never used it.
• I bet your brain feels good as new, seeing as you’ve never used it.
• You’re not the brightest crayon in the box, you’re not even in the box.
• If brains were dynamite, you wouldn’t have enough to blow your nose.
• You have the perfect face for radio and the perfect voice for mime.
• I’d say you’re as sharp as a marble, but that’s insulting to marbles.
• You’re so slow, you’d finish last in a race against a statue.
• I’ve seen more intelligent life in a petri dish.
• Your IQ is so low, it’s a tripping hazard in a parking lot.
• You’re proof that someone can have a thought without actually thinking.
• Your brain is like your body: mostly empty space.
• You’re the reason instruction manuals exist.
• You’d fail a DNA test because you have none.
• The wheel is turning but the hamster is dead.
• You’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.
• If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.
• You’re so stupid, you sold your car for gas money.
• You couldn’t pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
• Your mind is like a steel trap: rusty and illegal in 37 states.

Roasts About Appearance

These roasts playfully joke about looks in ways that are clearly exaggerated and comedic rather than genuinely hurtful.

Roasts to Use:

• You look like you were drawn by someone who was only told what a human looks like.
• I’d roast you about your looks, but it appears life already did that for me.
• You’re proof that beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder, because nobody else sees it.
• You have a face for podcasts.
• Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because it looks like you landed on your face.
• You’re what happens when you order a person on Wish.
• I’ve seen better looking mugshots.
• You look like before picture in a fitness ad.
• Your face could stop a sundial.
• You’re living proof that makeup can only do so much.
• You look like you were in the middle distance of a Picasso painting.
• Were you born on a highway? Because that’s where most accidents happen.
• You look like you were designed by a committee.
• Your hairline and your chances of success have something in common: they’re both receding.
• You look like you’re allergic to mirrors.
• Did you get dressed in the dark or is that your style?
• You look like the “before” picture.
• Your fashion sense is proof that not all choices are good choices.
• You dress like you’re trying to blend into a thrift store.
• You look like you’d get cut from a stock photo.

Roasts About Personality

These clever burns target character traits, habits, or behavior in amusing ways.

Roasts to Use:

• Your personality is like a math problem: nobody wants to deal with it.
• You’re the human version of a headache.
• Talking to you is like talking to a brick wall, except the wall is more interesting.
• You have the personality of unsalted crackers.
• You’re about as fun as a bag of wet hair.
• Your vibe is “I peaked in middle school.”
• You have the energy of a dial up internet connection.
• You’re the reason people create “busy” excuses.
• You’re like a software update: nobody asked for you and you’re annoying.
• Your personality is proof that not everyone needs to be unique.
• You’re the human equivalent of elevator music.
• Spending time with you is like watching paint dry, except the paint is more engaging.
• You have the charisma of a wet sock.
• You’re the reason people pretend their phone is ringing.
• Your personality is like decaf coffee: pointless and disappointing.
• You’re as fun as a tax audit.
• You have the charm of a parking ticket.
• You’re the person people avoid at parties.
• Your energy is giving “I need to speak to the manager.”
• You’re the human version of a participation requirement.

Roasts About Social Media

These modern roasts target online behavior and social media presence.

Roasts to Use:

• Your selfies look like mugshots from a county with a limited budget.
• Your Instagram is what happens when delusion meets filters.
• You post like someone who thinks their opinion is a breaking news story.
• Your TikToks are proof that not everyone should have a platform.
• You use more filters than a water treatment plant.
• Your tweets read like a cry for help written by someone who can’t spell “help.”
• You post inspirational quotes like you understand them.
• Your social media presence is your personality’s greatest exaggeration.
• You repost memes like you created them.
• Your stories are more boring than your life.
• You post like someone who thinks strangers care about your lunch.
• Your bio says “entrepreneur” but your posts say “unemployed.”
• You use hashtags like you’re throwing darts blindfolded.
• Your LinkedIn profile is more fiction than your book club reads.
• You post gym selfies like you’re training for something other than Instagram likes.
• Your Facebook posts are what happens when someone discovers caps lock.
• You tweet like you’re having an argument with yourself.
• Your profile picture is from a decade and forty pounds ago.
• You comment like someone who learned English from YouTube comments.
• Your posts are the reason people take social media breaks.

Roasts About Relationships

These roasts playfully target someone’s love life or relationship status.

Roasts to Use:

• You’re single because even your hand wants to see other people.
• Your love life is like a horror movie: scary and nobody wants to watch.
• You’re proof that some people should stay single for everyone’s benefit.
• Your relationship status is “it’s complicated” with yourself.
• You’ve been single so long, your hand is getting jealous of your other hand.
• Your ex got with someone better and your current prospects aren’t looking good either.
• You’re the reason dating apps have a block feature.
• Your standards are low and somehow you’re still single.
• You date like you shop: clearance section only and still can’t find anything good.
• Your love life is the reason romantic comedies exist: because yours is a comedy.
• You’re alone because your personality is an effective repellent.
• Your Tinder matches are as rare as your common sense.
• You’re single because red flags look like regular flags to you.
• Your relationship advice is like getting diet tips from someone who’s never seen a gym.
• You have the dating success of a moldy sandwich.
• Your love life needs more than just hope, it needs divine intervention.
• You’re the reason people settle.
• Your pickup lines are pickup crimes.
• You date like you’re trying to collect red flags.
• You’re what happens when someone lowers their standards and it’s still not enough.

READ: Good Roasts That Hurt

Roasts About Work and Career

These burns target professional life, work ethic, and career achievements.

Roasts to Use:

• Your career is like your potential: theoretical.
• You work hard at hardly working.
• Your resume is more creative fiction than autobiography.
• You’re what HR warns new employees about.
• Your career trajectory is flatter than your personality.
• You have the work ethic of a sloth on vacation.
• Your LinkedIn profile is your greatest work of fiction.
• You’re proof that participation trophies went too far.
• Your biggest accomplishment is showing up.
• You’re the reason companies make “must be able to show up on time” a requirement.
• Your job title is more impressive than your actual job.
• You’re climbing the corporate ladder backwards.
• Your career advice is worth exactly what people paid for it: nothing.
• You’re the colleague everyone hopes gets transferred.
• Your work ethic is “if nobody sees me not working, I’m working.”
• You’re the reason companies implement stricter policies.
• Your career plan is hoping someone else quits.
• You contribute to meetings the way you contribute to projects: minimally.
• You’re the employee mentioned in cautionary tales.
• Your professional development peaked at orientation.

Roasts About Money

These roasts playfully target financial status and spending habits.

Roasts to Use:

• You’re so broke, you can’t even pay attention.
• Your bank account is like your personality: empty and disappointing.
• You check your bank balance for entertainment because it’s funnier than Netflix.
• You’re so poor, Nigerian princes send you emails offering help.
• Your credit score is lower than your standards.
• You count your money in pocket lint and lost dreams.
• You’re so broke, you window shop at dollar stores.
• Your financial advisor is a Magic 8 Ball.
• You’re living paycheck to paycheck but the paychecks stopped coming.
• You’re so poor, you eat cereal with a fork to save milk.
• Your retirement plan is hoping you don’t make it to retirement.
• You budget like someone who thinks money grows on trees they don’t own.
• You’re so broke, when you go to the dollar store, you’re just window shopping.
• Your wallet is where money goes to die alone.
• You’re financially stable the way a house of cards is structurally sound.
• You balance your checkbook by ignoring it.
• Your investment strategy is scratch off lottery tickets.
• You’re so broke, you can’t afford to pay attention in financial literacy classes.
• Your savings account is a jar labeled “someday.”
• You spend money you don’t have on things you don’t need to impress people you don’t like.

Roasts About Gaming and Hobbies

These roasts target gaming skills, hobbies, and leisure activities.

Roasts to Use:

• You play games like you live life: badly and complaining the whole time.
• Your gaming skills peaked at tutorial mode.
• You’re the teammate everyone blames when they lose.
• Your K/D ratio is as disappointing as your life choices.
• You play like someone who learned gaming from watching their grandma play Candy Crush.
• You’re the reason games have easy mode.
• Your strategies involve hoping the other team disconnects.
• You’re carried harder than groceries.
• You rage quit at life as much as you rage quit at games.
• Your gaming chair costs more than your contribution to the team.
• You’re the player everyone mutes.
• Your hobbies include being mediocre at multiple things.
• You’re the reason tutorials exist and nobody watches them.
• Your skills are “thoughts and prayers” tier.
• You play ranked like it’s a charity event for the other team.
• Your highlight reel is all lowlights.
• You’re the loading screen everyone dreads.
• Your gaming setup is more impressive than your actual gaming.
• You’re that teammate who needs to be carried in tutorial missions.
• You’ve been playing for years and you’re still trash.

Savage roasts are verbal sparring where creativity and wit triumph over meanness. They’re how friends bond, how comics entertain, and how people with great rapport show affection through playful insults. These hundred roasts give you ammunition for banter, but remember that delivery, context, and relationship determine whether they land as funny or fall flat as cruel.

The art of roasting requires knowing your audience, reading the room, delivering with confidence, and being able to take what you dish out. When everyone’s laughing together, including the person being roasted, you’ve mastered it. Use these roasts wisely, roast with love, and never forget that the best burns come with smiles, not scars.