45 Good Roasts That Hurt (So Bad, They’re Hilarious)

Sometimes you just need that perfect roast line that hurts so good. Whether you’re sparring with friends or replying to a snarky comment online, a savage comeback can shut things down and get everyone laughing (except maybe the target!). Below, we’ve compiled the ultimate 45 good roasts that hurt – a list of brutal, hilarious one-liners organized by category for every occasion.

From clean roasts you can use in a school hallway, to dirty one-liners not even Reddit is ready for, we’ve got you covered. (Yes, we even threw in roasts for kids and a few that rhyme, because why not?) Consider this your personal savage roasts list – 45 hand-picked burn lines that will leave a mark. Just remember: use them wisely, and make sure your target can handle the heat!

Clean Roasts (PG-Friendly Zingers)

Not every burn needs bad words to land. These good roasts hurt while staying clean, making them perfect for family or work settings. Even kids could get away with some of these snappy insults.

1. “I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.” – Polite on the surface, savage underneath. A classic way to say their opinion is way off base.
2. “You’re like the human version of Monday.” – No profanity needed, yet everyone knows this hurts: nobody likes Monday!
3. “I’m not insulting you; I’m describing you.” – A sly burn for someone who can’t take a hint. Sounds almost polite, which makes it sting more.
4. “If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.” – A clean roast calling someone clueless in a roundabout way. It’s mean, but no curse words in sight.
5. “You have an entire life to be annoying. What’s the rush to get it all done today?” – Playfully tells them to give it a rest, without any name-calling.

Funny Roasts for Kids (Playground-Friendly Burns)

These one-liners are safe for younger roast battles. They’re silly, simple, and just edgy enough to make classmates go “oooh!” without getting you sent to the principal.

6. “I’d explain it to you, but your brain’s on airplane mode right now.” – A tech-themed roast that’s mild enough for kids, implying the other person isn’t processing anything at the moment.
7. “You have the right to remain silent… because whatever you say will probably be dumb.” – A kid-appropriate twist on the Miranda rights line. It’s a roast one-liner funny enough for the school talent show.
8. “I’m not saying you’re clueless, but even Google can’t help you.” – Light-hearted and techy. For the friend who asks the obvious questions, this roast will get giggles on the playground.
9. “Your jokes are like a broken pencil – pointless.” – A classic style burn made kid-friendly. No harsh language, just a good simile that delivers the sting.
10. “If there was a trophy for mischief, you’d finally win something!” – A roast that’s half-joke, half compliment (sort of). It teases a troublemaker without any mean words.

Savage Roasts (No Mercy One-Liners)

Time to crank up the heat. The next ten insults are brutally honest and totally ruthless – the kind of savage roast lines you drop when you’re with friends who know it’s all in good fun. (In other words, handle with care!). These are so savage they could top a “10 most savage roasts” list any day.

11. “I’d challenge you to a battle of wits, but I don’t fight the unarmed.” – Utterly brutal, implying the other person has no “weapons” in the intelligence department. This one always lands with a bang.
12. “You’re not completely useless… you can always serve as a bad example.” – Ouch. This roast basically says your purpose in life is to warn others what not to do. Savage, yet succinct.
13. “Keep rolling your eyes – maybe you’ll find a brain back there.” – A scathing one-liner perfect for the eye-roller in your life. It’s mean, it’s clever, and it hurts so good.
14. “The last time I saw something like you, I flushed it.” – Absolutely merciless. Comparing a person to, well, something you flush, will definitely leave a burn. (Use this only on someone who really had it coming!)
15. “Somewhere out there a tree is tirelessly producing oxygen for you… I’d tell it to stop.” – A twist on a famous roast. It’s a flowery way of calling someone a waste of resources. Brutal and a bit poetic.
16. “You bring everyone so much joy… when you leave the room.” – The setup sounds sweet, the punchline hits like a truck. This roast hurts because it tells them exactly how un-fun they are.
17. “I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.” – Comparing a person to garbage without outright saying it. Short, not-so-sweet, and guaranteed to get gasps from any crowd.
18. “If stupidity were a sport, you’d be an Olympic gold medalist.” – A modern spin: instead of “if it was an illness you’d be terminal,” this one crowns them champion of something unfortunate. Gold medal in duh.
19. “You have the Midas touch, but everything you turn touches sucks.” – This one’s for the friend who ruins everything. A clever play on the King Midas myth that’s both high-brow and low-blow.
20. “I’d love to insult you, but I’m afraid I won’t do as well as nature did.” – A savage burn suggesting that merely existing as they are is the biggest insult. It’s mean – use sparingly!

Dirty Roasts (NSFW Adult Burns)

Now we enter the NSFW territory. These good roasts that hurt dirty are full of innuendo, mild profanity, and adult humor. Save them for roast battles with friends who aren’t easily offended – definitely not for kids or the workplace!

21. “I’d call you a tool, but that’d imply you were actually useful.” – A harsh insult with a bit of wordplay. No cuss words, but undeniably dirty in tone. Perfect for that one friend who’s being a real tool.
22. **“If I wanted to hear from an *hole, I’d fart.” – Crass? Absolutely. Effective? You bet. This outrageous one-liner always shocks and gets a big laugh, making it a roast battle favorite (just maybe not in polite company).
23. “Your face is fine, but we really need to work on your personality – maybe a condom for your mouth?” – Rude and raunchy. Implies everything coming out of their mouth is garbage that needs protection. This one’s an off-color one-liner sure to leave them speechless.
24. “The only way you’d get laid is if you crawled up a chicken’s butt and waited.” – Hilariously vulgar and vividly insulting. It’s an absurd image, which makes the roast memorable (and Reddit dirty thread-worthy).
25. “I’m not saying you’re easy, but you’ve got more experience than Google and more hits than Pornhub.” – A bold way to roast someone’s promiscuity. It crosses the line in all the right ways for an adult audience, and it’s definitely not something to say in church!
26. “If stupidity was an STD, you’d be positive.” – This spicy burn equates their intelligence to an embarrassing diagnosis. It’s mean, it’s clever, and it tiptoes on that NSFW line without using any explicit slurs.
27. “I would slap you, but I don’t want to get dumb on my hands.” – A semi-dirty twist on the classic “I’d slap you but…” line (often it’s I don’t want to waste the energy or something about not hurting their face). Here it implies stupidity is contagious.
28. “You’re living proof that evolution can go in reverse.” – Not sexual, but definitely not a nice thing to say at all. This roast suggests they’re devolving – a high-brow insult that still hits below the belt.
29. “Looks like your brain took a permanent vacation – and it didn’t leave a forwarding address.” – A bit lighter on the “dirty”, but heavy on the insult. Implies their brain’s gone and isn’t coming back. Use this when someone does something unbelievably dumb.
30. “On a scale of 1 to 10 of crazy, you’re an 11 and somehow also a zero.” – A mind-bending roast hinting they’re off-the-charts insane but also a zero (nothing) at the same time. It’s an insult that makes the target go “huh?” for a second, then ouch.

(Context Reminder: These dirty roasts are outrageously bold and not for everyone. They’re the type of lines you’d see in a no-holds-barred comedy roast or deep in a 45 good roasts that hurt Reddit debate. Know your audience – what kills at a bachelor party might bomb in the wrong setting!)

READ: How To Respond To WSG

Reddit-Worthy Roasts (Internet’s Most Savage Burns)

Welcome to the internet’s kitchen of cruelty. These roasts have the viral, over-the-top flair of a r/RoastMe thread. Essentially, this section is a savage roast list custom-made for the online arena. If you’re looking for comebacks that could rack up Reddit karma (or cause a comment war), here’s your arsenal.

31. “You’re the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.” – A sharp insult suggesting they’re such a mess, even evolution needs help. This one always does numbers on social media – it’s short, witty, and vicious.
32. “If I wanted to see a joke, I’d just mirror your life choices.” – Sounds almost motivational until it flips brutally. This roast basically calls their entire life a joke. Very Reddit roast energy in its total savagery.
33. “Your social skills make Bitcoin look stable.” – A modern roast mixing crypto humor with an insult. Bitcoin’s volatility is infamous; comparing someone’s awkwardness or erratic behavior to it is a geeky but cutting burn. Perfect for an internet crowd.
34. “I’ve seen influencer apologies that were more convincing than you.” – Internet culture is full of fake apologies. Telling someone even those seem more genuine than them is a clever way to call them out as totally phony.
35. “The last time I saw a comeback that bad, it was on a floppy disk.” – Tech nostalgia + insult = win. Basically telling them their attempt at roasting you was outdated and weak. Redditors love a good tech burn, and this one’s geeky and brutal.
36. “Your ratio of eyebrows to IQ points is impressive – two to none.” – A weirdly specific roast (great for online banter) that says they’ve got two thick eyebrows and zero brains. It’s the kind of oddly personal dig that thrives in meme comments.
37. “Congratulations, your post made me waste 5 seconds of my life. I’ll bill you.” – This roast doubles as a snarky internet comment. It hurts by implying their contribution was so bad it actually cost the reader time and deserves compensation.
38. “You could start an entire subreddit with the cringe you produce.” – Meta, and very Reddit-centric. It suggests they’re so cringey, they belong in their own r/cringe forum. The insult is both an internet in-joke and a solid burn.
39. “If being basic was a competition, you’d have a diamond Reddit avatar by now.” – Refers to Reddit’s icons and being “basic.” It’s a modern spin on calling someone unoriginal or painfully average, tailored for those who get online culture.
40. “I’m not roasting you; I’m just describing the dumpster fire.” – This one would get upvotes. It’s a nasty way to say their life or argument is a complete disaster (dumpster fire), under the guise of “description.” Very much the kind of witty cruelty Reddit loves.

Rhyming Roasts (Burns with a Beat)

Insults that rhyme hit different – they almost sound like cute little poems until the sting lands. Here are five roasts that hurt and happen to have a catchy rhythm. Who said savage can’t be stylish?

41. “You think you’re a star, shining so bright; but reality shows you’re not that bright.” – A playful rhyme that contrasts their high opinion of themselves with the harsh truth. It flows nicely and bites at the end.
42. “You talk all day, blah blah every night; amazing you’ve done nothing but still think you’re right.” – This rhythmic roast jabs at someone who never stops yapping and always assumes they’re correct. The singsong quality makes it memorable (and insulting).
43. “Roses are red, violets are blue, I’ve got five fingers – the middle one’s for you.” – A classic rhyming burn with a twist on the old poem. It’s crude, it’s quick, and it definitely gets the point across in a poetic way.
44. “Twinkle twinkle little star, hope you know how dumb you are.” – Nursery rhyme meter, adult-level insult. Using a childhood rhyme structure turns this into a burn that’s as funny as it is mean. This one is sure to get a “did they really just say that?” reaction.
45. “Mirror, mirror on the wall, I’m surprised you don’t crack at all.” – A fairy-tale inspired roast. It rhymes “wall” with “all” and suggests that the person’s reflection is so awful it’s shocking the mirror survives. A hurtful rhyme, indeed!

And there you have it – 45 good roasts that hurt delivered in every flavor from clean to dirty, one-liners funny enough to go viral, and even a few that rhyme. This list was crafted to be the ultimate roasting sayings arsenal, whether you’re trading barbs with friends or lighting up a Reddit roast thread.

Remember, the best roast is like a good hot sauce – it adds spice, but you don’t want to ruin the whole meal. So use these roast lines wisely. Deliver them with a grin and a wink, keep it all in good fun, and know when to stop (we’re here to burn egos, not bridges). Happy roasting – and if anyone gets mad, just tell them:* “I’m kidding… or am I?”**