Roast Battle List Featuring Best Burns and Comebacks

Roast battles are structured verbal sparring matches where participants trade insults and comebacks in front of an audience, with the goal of being funnier and more creative than your opponent. Unlike random insults meant to hurt, roasft battle burns are crafted for entertainment, requiring quick wit, clever wordplay, observational humor, and perfect timing.

Opening Roasts to Establish Dominance

The first burn sets your tone and establishes whether you’re here to play or dominate. These opening roasts make strong first impressions.

Roasts to Use:

• “I’d roast you about your appearance, but it looks like genetics already did the heavy lifting.”
• “I’ve been looking forward to this. Finally, someone at my level. Which is rock bottom.”
• “You know what’s impressive? That you thought you could win this. That confidence is inspiring. Misguided, but inspiring.”
• “I was told to prepare for this battle. Then I saw you and realized preparation was optional.”
• “You’re proof that participation trophies went too far.”
• “I respect you for getting up here. It takes courage to get destroyed in public.”
• “You look like you practice your roasts in the mirror. And they still came out like that.”
• “Before we start, I just want to say I’m sorry. Not sorry for what I’m about to do. Sorry that you thought this was a good idea.”
• “You’ve got heart showing up here. Unfortunately, that’s all you’ve got.”
• “I’ve seen your work. I’ve heard your best material. I’m not worried.”
• “They told me you were good. They lied. But it’s fine. I came prepared for disappointment.”
• “You look nervous. You should be.”
• “Let’s get this over with. I have better things to roast at home. Like vegetables.”
• “I’d wish you good luck, but we both know you’ll need more than luck.”
• “I appreciate the challenge. It’s not often I get to practice on easy mode.”

Appearance Based Roast Battle Burns

These roasts target physical appearance in exaggerated, clearly comedic ways that work for roast battle entertainment.

Roasts to Use:

• “You look like you were designed by a committee that couldn’t agree on anything.”
• “I’ve seen better looking police sketches.”
• “You look like the before picture in every type of ad.”
• “Your hairline is retreating faster than your chances in this battle.”
• “You look like you got dressed in the dark after a breakup.”
• “I would say you have a face for radio, but I don’t want to ruin radio.”
• “You look like you were drawn by someone who only heard descriptions of humans.”
• “Your outfit is proof that not all choices are good choices.”
• “You look like the wish dot com version of a person.”
• “I’ve seen more symmetry in Picasso paintings.”
• “You dress like you’re trying to disappoint your parents without saying a word.”
• “You look like you’ve been hitting the gym. To steal equipment.”
• “Your style is what happens when confidence meets poor judgment.”
• “You look like you’d get cut from stock photos for being too generic.”
• “I respect that you’re going for a look. I don’t respect the look, but I respect the attempt.”
• “You look like you were assembled from rejected action figure parts.”
• “Your fashion sense died before it was born.”
• “You look like the human version of a rough draft.”
• “I’ve seen scarecrows with better style.”
• “You look like you buy your clothes from lost and found.”

Intelligence and Career Roasts

These burns target mental capacity, career choices, and professional achievements in clever ways.

Roasts to Use:

• “Your career is like your hairline: receding and everyone can see it.”
• “You call yourself a comedian. I call that unemployment with a stage.”
• “Your resume is more fiction than the books you’ve never read.”
• “I’ve met smarter people at family reunions. And my family is not smart.”
• “Your career trajectory is what happens when you aim for the stars and hit the basement.”
• “You went to college for this? I want my taxpayer money back.”
• “Your LinkedIn says entrepreneur. Your bank account says unemployed.”
• “You have the intelligence of someone who reads the terms and conditions and still clicks agree.”
• “Your career advice is worth exactly what people paid for it: nothing.”
• “You’re living proof that degrees don’t equal intelligence.”
• “Your business card says professional. Your work says hobbyist on a good day.”
• “You’ve been chasing your dreams so long they got a restraining order.”
• “Your career peaked at orientation and it’s been downhill since.”
• “You’re what happens when participation meets professional life.”
• “Your biggest accomplishment is convincing people you have accomplishments.”
• “Your brain is like a browser with 100 tabs open and all of them are frozen.”
• “You’re the reason instructions come with warnings.”
• “Your IQ and your age are competing to see which is lower.”
• “You’re so dense, light bends around you.”
• “Your career is proof that dreams don’t always come true. Sometimes they just die.”

Personality and Character Roasts

These roasts target behavioral traits, personality quirks, and character flaws for maximum impact.

Roasts to Use:

• “Your personality is what happens when confidence and delusion have a baby.”
• “You have the charisma of a DMV waiting room.”
• “Talking to you is like watching paint dry, except the paint is more engaging.”
• “You’re the human equivalent of a participation requirement.”
• “Your energy is giving ‘peaked in high school’ and it shows.”
• “You have the charm of a parking ticket and the personality of the fine.”
• “You’re the reason people create excuses to leave early.”
• “Your vibe is ‘I need to speak to the manager’ but the manager doesn’t want to speak to you.”
• “You’re like a software update: nobody asked for you and you’re annoying.”
• “You have the depth of a kiddie pool and the temperature to match.”
• “You’re what happens when someone mistakes stubbornness for personality.”
• “You’re the friend people invite out of obligation, not desire.”
• “Your personality is proof that not everyone needs to be unique.”
• “You bring people joy. Specifically when you leave.”
• “You’re the human version of a group project where you did nothing.”
• “You have the personality of unsalted crackers.”
• “You’re about as fun as a mandatory meeting.”
• “Your energy is what happens when enthusiasm dies.”
• “You’re the person at parties everyone avoids.”
• “You have the vibe of someone who peaked at birth and declined from there.”

Relationship and Dating Roasts

These burns target romantic life, relationship status, and dating success in brutal but funny ways.

Roasts to Use:

• “Your love life is a horror movie and you’re the monster nobody wants to see.”
• “You’re single because even dating apps swipe left on you.”
• “Your relationship status is ‘it’s complicated’ with yourself.”
• “You’ve been single so long, your hand filed for separation.”
• “Your ex upgraded and your future prospects are looking down.”
• “You date like you shop: clearance section only and still nothing fits.”
• “You’re the reason people believe in staying single.”
• “Your pickup lines are pickup crimes and you should be arrested.”
• “You have the dating success of a fish in a desert.”
• “You’re proof that lowering your standards isn’t always enough.”
• “Your love life needs divine intervention and the divine is ignoring your calls.”
• “You collect red flags like they’re Pokemon cards.”
• “Your Tinder matches are as rare as your good decisions.”
• “You’re the reason ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ was invented. Except it’s definitely you.”
• “You’re single because your personality is effective birth control.”
• “Your love life is the reason people write sad songs.”
• “You date like you’re trying to prove being alone is better.”
• “You’re what happens when someone lowers their standards and it’s still not enough.”
• “Your relationship advice comes from experience. The experience of failure.”
• “You’re the walking embodiment of ‘died alone with cats.'”

READ: Savage Roasts List

Social Media and Online Presence Roasts

These modern roasts target digital behavior and online personas.

Roasts to Use:

• “Your Instagram is what happens when delusion meets filters.”
• “You post like someone who thinks their opinion is breaking news.”
• “Your TikToks are proof that not everyone should have a platform.”
• “You use more filters than a water treatment plant.”
• “Your tweets read like a cry for help written by someone who can’t spell help.”
• “You post inspirational quotes like you understand them.”
• “Your social media presence is your personality’s greatest exaggeration.”
• “You repost memes like you created them.”
• “Your stories are more boring than your actual life.”
• “You post like someone who thinks strangers care about your breakfast.”
• “Your bio says influencer. Your follower count says influenced by no one.”
• “You use hashtags like you’re throwing darts blindfolded.”
• “Your profile picture is from a decade and forty pounds ago.”
• “You comment like someone who learned English from YouTube.”
• “Your posts are the reason people take social media breaks.”
• “You’re living your best life online because your real life is unwatchable.”
• “Your follow to follower ratio tells a story. A sad one.”
• “You post thirst traps but nobody’s thirsty.”
• “Your content is what the skip button was invented for.”
• “You’re the reason people turn off notifications.”

Self Deprecating Setup Roasts

These roasts start by targeting yourself to set up even harder hits on your opponent.

Roasts to Use:

• “I know I’m not the smartest person in this room. But at least I’m not you.”
• “I’ll admit, I’m awkward and weird. But you make me look like Ryan Gosling.”
• “Look, I’m no prize. But compared to you, I’m the grand prize.”
• “I have my flaws. Many flaws. But at least I’m not delusional about my flaws like you.”
• “I’m not gonna lie, I’m a mess. But you’re what happens when the mess gives up.”
• “I know what you’re thinking: how can this guy roast me? Easy. I’m bad, but you’re worse.”
• “I’ll be honest, I’m barely qualified to be here. But you’re not qualified at all.”
• “I’ve made mistakes in my life. Then I looked at you and felt better about them.”
• “I’m not perfect. But perfect is overrated anyway. You’re just rated poorly.”
• “Look, I’m struggling. But at least I’m struggling upward. You’re just struggling.”
• “I’ve got problems. But my biggest problem right now is having to look at you.”
• “I know I’m not everyone’s type. But you’re nobody’s type.”
• “I’m working on myself. You should try that. Actually, you should try harder.”
• “I’ve got insecurities. But none of them are as justified as yours should be.”
• “I’m not the best. But being better than you sets a really low bar.”

Crowd Work and Audience Interaction Roasts

These roasts involve the audience to create additional layers of comedy.

Roasts to Use:

• “Can everyone see this? I want to make sure you all witness this disaster.”
• “Show of hands: who thinks they could do better than my opponent here? That’s what I thought. Everyone.”
• “I feel bad roasting them in front of all you people. Just kidding. This is great.”
• “Ladies and gentlemen, please give it up for my opponent. They’re going to need the encouragement.”
• “I asked the audience for material on you. They had too much. We’d be here all night.”
• “Quick poll: who here thinks I’m winning? Now who thinks I’m being too nice?”
• “Can someone check on them? I think I broke them already.”
• “The audience came here for entertainment. You came here to provide it by losing.”
• “Everyone’s looking at you right now. Not in a good way.”
• “This crowd is loving this. Unlike everyone in your personal life.”
• “Should I go easier on them? No? Okay, you heard them.”
• “The audience is laughing at you, not with you. Important distinction.”
• “Can we get a spotlight on the exit? They’re going to need it soon.”
• “Who here knew my opponent before tonight? And who wishes they still didn’t?”
• “Thank you all for being here. Unlike my opponent’s friends, who mysteriously couldn’t make it.”

Callback and Building Roasts

These roasts reference earlier material from the battle to create layered comedy.

Roasts to Use:

• “Remember when you said that thing earlier? That aged poorly. Like you.”
• “You know what’s funny? Everything you’ve said. Not funny good. Funny sad.”
• “Going back to what you said about my appearance: at least I showed up looking intentional.”
• “Earlier you tried to roast my career. That’s rich coming from someone whose career is a roast.”
• “You mentioned my relationships. Let’s talk about yours. Actually, let’s not. There’s nothing to discuss.”
• “You called me unoriginal. Then proceeded to use every basic roast in existence.”
• “Remember your opening line? The audience doesn’t either.”
• “You started strong. Strong wrong, but strong.”
• “Everything you’ve said tonight proves my point. Which point? That you shouldn’t be here.”
• “You tried to set me up earlier. The only thing you set up was your own failure.”
• “You thought that was your best shot. That’s the saddest part of tonight.”
• “You keep bringing up the same points. Repetition doesn’t make them better. It makes them sadder.”
• “Your whole strategy has been quantity over quality. Unfortunately, you have neither.”
• “You’ve been building to something all night. That something is an L.”
• “This battle started with you confident. It’s ending with you humbled. You’re welcome.”

Finishing and Closing Roasts

These final burns are designed to end the battle with authority and leave a lasting impression.

Roasts to Use:

• “Ladies and gentlemen, that’s how you lose gracefully. Actually, that wasn’t graceful at all.”
• “I’d say good battle, but I don’t lie to make people feel better.”
• “Thank you for this. I needed an easy win today.”
• “You fought hard. It just wasn’t enough. Or good. Or memorable.”
• “This battle is over. Unlike your therapy, which is just beginning.”
• “I appreciate you showing up. Showing up is half the battle. Unfortunately for you, the other half was winning.”
• “Let’s give them a hand. They earned it. Not for comedy. For participation.”
• “And that, everyone, is why I’m here and they’re… also here but losing.”
• “I’d offer advice for next time, but there shouldn’t be a next time.”
• “Thank you for being a good sport. You had to be. You weren’t a good competitor.”
• “This was fun. For me. Probably not for you.”
• “You can go back to your seat now. Preferably in a different venue.”
• “I respect the effort. I don’t respect anything else, but I respect the effort.”
• “And that’s game. Thanks for playing. Better luck in your next life.”
• “You came, you saw, you got destroyed. Tale as old as time.”

Read the room constantly. If the audience isn’t responding to one style of roast, pivot to another. Some crowds love crude humor, others prefer clever wordplay. Adjust your material based on what’s landing. Volume and pace control energy. Slow down for emphasis on big punchlines. Speed up to build momentum when you’re on a roll.

Practice your material but stay flexible. Memorized roasts that you deliver robotically kill energy. Know your material well enough to adapt it on the fly. The best roast battlers can improvise based on what their opponent says or does in the moment.